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Velvet Sundown is Insane! Here’s how my first game went

Velvet Sundown is like one of those murder mystery parties, but in a virtual world. You wander around a yacht (the titular Velvet Sundown) with a bunch of rich wankers, trying to steal corporate secrets or get people to join your religious cult. Here’s how my first game went.

I was Malik, an undercover corporate spy-man who wanted to use his spirituality to ingratiate himself to wealthy idiots. I also had to watch out for a thief or something. I mainly just tried to act like a decent, everyday guy. Malik was a normal dude trying to get on with people. It therefore came as quite a shock when I met this bunch of utterly amoral rich pricks.

Malik was happy to be onboard the beautiful yacht. He was looking forward to meeting the rest of the guests at this exclusive party. He was sure they would be the very best and brightest of high society!


At first no one talked to Malik. Malik decided he must go to them! No need to be a wallflower. Time to mingle!


Malik was utterly taken aback when his first conversation with this crazy bitch escalated far too quickly. The second thing she asked him was to adopt her daughter! As you can see below, Malik had no idea what the fuck to say.


Moving away quickly, Malik met Cooper and warned him immediately that the lady was clearly distressed and maybe had some emotional issues. She needed help. Malik tried to find out if she had a friend or relative on the yacht to take her home, make her a cup of tea and give her some pills to take the edge off how mental she was. Maybe Cooper could help?


Cooper stopped talking to Malik immediately. This was even more puzzling. Wasn’t anyone else worried? Couldn’t someone help this lady? Or was everyone here to *gasp*, BUY CHILDREN!? Surely not. Malik went for a walk on deck to ponder the situation. What had he gotten himself into?


Looking out at the distant, iridescent shore through the nimbus haze of the late evening sun, Malik wondered if he could swim there if he had to. This was fucked up. He was too worried to talk to anyone else in case they were also insane. With a grim sigh he shook his head. What next?


Come on Malik, pull yourself together! He had to take this situation in hand! He would call upon his spiritual side to find a solution. Perhaps if he offered some guidance to Cooper he would listen and understand how fucked this situation was? He found Cooper behind the bar, like that was an ok place for him to be. Solemnly and with deep reverence he offered spiritual guidance to Cooper.


Malik screamed in agony as the tazer broke through the skin of his exposed neck and 9000 volts coursed through his body, rendering him immobile. This came as quite a fucking shock to Malik. Why did Cooper do that? What is going on here? Is this Hell? All these questions and more flew through his mind as his body convulsed in spasms of agony.


Malik jumped to his feet but it was clear Cooper was NOT fucking around. This guy was so gangster that he had smashed through part of the cabin bar with his torso. He was just so damn MANLY! Malik was out of his depth. He needed help. Please note at this point the wank in the waistcoat just watching this vicious assault. He did nothing to help at all.


Now this prick wonders over and starts talking to Malik like we all cool. We not cool! Why is he acting as if this is all normal?! Boyle seemed to think things had somehow “reset”. That we were “starting over”. Well no fucking way Boyle! You saw him Rodney King me back there, don’t pretend we’re pals now!


Now I… I mean Malik is getting asked these bullshit questions. Malik explains how we was tazed by the barman (who if you remember was literally a “bar-man”, half bar, half man). Boyle is pretending he didn’t see nothing. Like we’re in prison. Well I… I mean Malik is not in prison! He aint no stitch but aint nobodys bitch!


Now he wants to scan me. For what? I don’t know. Racial profiling? He says something about how HE is actually the barman. I try to explain the situation again. He really doesn’t seem to care that a guy stands behind his bar, and when people talk to him they don’t get a drink, they get an electrity cocktail. To the face. With a tazer. But it’s not in a glass, it’s in the tazer with the electricity that they get tazed with!


Oh shit! I get it now. He is actually a kind of spy and he wants to know if I am a spy! I need to play this cool. He might not be an ally. I don’t want to let him know I might be undercover so I spin a convincing cover story as you can see below.


So he scans me. But that’s it. People keep talking. No one comes to check if I’m ok. No one helps. I still haven’t had a single meaningful conversation with any of these cunts and that woman sold a baby for money. Rich people are awful.

Malik swallows deeply, buries his fear deep down in his belly, and steps off the Velvet Sundown. He may drown, but at least he will escape this ship full of violent, baby selling monsters.


So to sum up, this game is fucking amazing.

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