Although criticizing N-Dubz’ for their lyrical shortcomings is as easy as shooting Dappy’s in a barrel, it has to be done. These lyrics are so bad they go all the way past bad round into self-parodying genius, then keep going back to bad again. I am tempted just to print them and leave them uncommented; they need no comedy punchlines to illustrate their preposterousness. Seriously, if I TRIED to write bad lyrics I couldn’t do it this well. N-Dubz, I take my funny hat off to you.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0QFLZCH3FI
Ha hahaha
Ha hahaha
Oohhwoooeee
Eeeeeyeeaaahhh
Na naniiiii
This is the part that makes the most sense.
I don’t slip or trip when she ask me where I’ve been
(where you been)
One big smile on my face darling it’s just you and
Me (you and me)
Oh, you loveable rogues! Where you been Dappy? What you been up to Fazer? Ah, infidelity, what a larf!
Now I’m on some Alfie behaviour I’ll call you back later
Too many fish in the sea for me
But when the lights come on and what’s her
Name is gone
I realise where I’m supposed to beee
I’m kind of impressed they’ve heard of the movie Alfie, but I bet they only know about the terrible remake with Jude Law.
I tried to believe every word of your sweet story
But intuition keeps telling me
Your making a fool outta meeee
Beee to meeeee. Textbook pop rhyming there guys, well done!
Cause I’m such a good liar
Just admit it
I never did it
Yes you did
No I didn’t (ayy)
I’m playing with fire
Now there’s nothing wrong with a bit of back-and-forth between vocalists, but this is just childish arguing in the middle of a song. What next, I am rubber, you are glue? So’s your face?
Just admit it
I never did it
I know you did it
No I didn’t (yes you did)
Cause I’m such a good liar
Oh God, would you kids knock it off, my head is killing me. Go to your rooms! I don’t care who did what Tulisa! Would you both just grow up. I’m telling your father about this.
Wwwoooooeeee
I can’t help myself I keep playing with fire
Wwwoooooeeee
Ha hahaha
Such a good liar
What’s with all the random laughter and whooping? Its like listening to giggling teenage schoolgirls. That or the double rainbow guy on laughing gas.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQSNhk5ICTI
Thoughts running wild through the night as I watch
And how do thoughts run exactly? Do they have little thought-legs?
You sleep (she’s getting closer)
I can’t help but check his text while he’s passed out
Next to me (it’s only a matter of time)
I’m on some CSI behaviour
Yeah, because I love those episodes of CSI where they catch the serial killer by reading his discarded phones text messages. I like the idea of N-Dubz in lab coats working as CSI’s trying to analyse DNA. Its science innit?
Who’s gonna save ya
You’ll be the fool when the truth comes outttttt
But when those lights come on and what’s her face
Is gone we’re straight back to the same routine
In some ways this whole song is a sad reflection on the ultimate nihilism of infidelity and the existential loneliness and dualistic nature of getting physically close to others while emotionally isolating yourself from them. Either that or its just Dappy and Fazer waving their cocks around while shouting about how many teen girls they’ve slept with.
I tried to believe every word of your sweet story
But intuition keeps telling me
Your making a fool outta meeee
Intuition and text messages Tulisa. Also, the uncontrollable smug look on the the male members of N-Dubz faces when you ask them where their penises have been lately.
Cause I’m such a good liar
Just admit it
I never did it
Yes you did
No I didn’t (ayy)
I’m playing with fire
Goddamit, not this again! Dappy and Fazer, I’m taking your Playstations away. Tulisa, if you don’t behave I’m going to make you appear as a guest star on Hollyoaks Nights!
Just admit it
I never did it
I know you did it
No I didn’t (yes you did)
Cause I’m such a good liar
Wwwoooooeeee
The most horrible thought imaginable is that somewhere, some horrible couple are listening to this song and thinking “Ohmygod, we had, like, that exact same argument, word for word. Innit?”
I can’t help myself I keep playing with fire
Wwwoooooeeee
Ha hahaha
Such a good liar
living life in disguise
What kind of disguise? I like to imagine Groucho Marx moustache and glasses. On Tulisa. *ahem*
Can’t keep up with these lies
She do anything to try and catch me out
But I never leave no signs
I bet you leave a few stains, those are a type of sign.
In my heart we were meant to be
Guys like me we be like 2 or 3 trust
I can’t help myself I love girls (what)
I like the “what” in here because it mirrors what I, the listener, was thinking. I have no idea what they’re talking about here.
I get a kick out of play with fire
I get a kick out of play with fire
Playing with fire
Playing with fire
She Ain’t going no where you know why?
Because you’ve locked her in your flat? Because you’re the father of her first six children? Did you threaten to tell the council to cancel her disability because she wasn’t really run over by a grit lorry?
Wwwoooooeeee
Ha hahaha
Such a good liar
Ha hahaha (nanana)
Ha hahaha
Ha hahaha
Ha hahaha
Well, at least they seem happy. I would be too if I could get paid for writing such Shakespearian lyrics and combining them with music so revolutionary it eclipses the Bealtes, Dylan and the Stones. Oh wait, I may have gone insane. Hahahaha! Wwwwoooooeeeee!!!!!