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These lyrics make no sense – Raise your Glass by Pink

Another entry in my series of lyrical musings in which I struggle to understand a modern chart hit and fail to connect with a whole generation. In many ways like a drowning man in a sea of mixed metaphors, poor rhymes and lyrical crimes.

Right right, turn off the lights
We gonna lose our minds tonight

Reduce the lighting in order that we might correspondingly lose our sanity. Can’t we go insane with the lights on? It will make it easier to accurately throw our faeces. What? That’s what insane people do!

What’s the dealio?
Oh no. Dealio? Is that the best we can do? When would anyone say dealio in casual conversation, Ned Flanders excluded?

I love when it’s all too much
When what’s too much? I have no idea.

5AM turn the radio up
Where’s the rock and roll?

It’s not in a Pink song, that’s for sure. Also, why are you listening to the radio at 5AM? Shouldn’t you be “going wild” or “losing control”. Fiddling with the radio tuner isn’t exactly a feature of a crazy night. It’s more like what a depressed, suicidal insomniac might be doing.

Party crasher, penny snatcher
Call me up if you are gangster

Party crasher? Fair enough, that’s kinda cool. Penny snatcher? You steal pennys? Why!?! If I was “gangster” I wouldn’t call you. I’d be robbing liquor stores, not stealing pennies like some Dickensian hobbo.

Don’t be fancy
Just get dancey

Oh for fuck sake! My 5 year old cousin could do better than that! Take a chance, come on and dance! It’s time to move, now bust a groove! Let’s hit the street, now move your feet! Break out the box, now move your socks! You’re not even trying!

Why so serious?
I’m still pissed about the last lyric, that’s why!

So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways

You’ll have to be more specific about what that is. By “wrong” do you just mean punk-rocky posers who can’t play a guitar, or do you mean people who are really wrong, like flat earth supporters or climate change denialists?

The facts don't lie bitches, we're killing the earth!

All my underdogs, we will never be, never be
Anything but loud

Loud you may be, but a multi-million selling recording artist and celebrity working for a multi million dollar record corporation does NOT meet my definition of an underdog.

And nitty gritty dirty little freaks
What did you just call your fans? Have some respect! They might not have an army of image consultants and stylists, but that’s just mean!

She looks down on you dude

Won’t you come on, and come on, and
Raise your glass
Just come on and come and
Raise Your Glass!

I can’t raise my glass. You already told me to turn off the lights so I can’t find my glass, I’m turning the radio up to find you some rock and roll and I’m being chased by the police for stealing pennies.

Slam slam oh hot damn
What part of party don’t you understand?

The first part with the slamming.

Wish you’d just freak out (freak out already)
Can’t stop coming in hot

How about if I try to climb into my shoe while screaming “Narnia, Narnia! I’m coming for your voles!”. Is that “freak” enough?

Pictured: a vole

I should be locked up right on the spot
For some of the things you’ve suggested in this song, you SHOULD be locked up.

It’s so on right now (so fuckin’ on right now)
I see your transparent attempt at encouraging your fans to cheekily join in the song by singing along with the profanity, and raise you a “fuck off”.

Won’t you come on, and come on, and
Raise your glass
Just come on and come and
Raise Your Glass!
Won’t you come on and come on and
Raise your glass!
Just come on and come and
Raise your glass!

A desperate, pleading attempt at a sing-along chorus. When you’re aiming at the quality of song writing of the Black Eyed Peas and still missing, you shouldn’t be raising your glass, you should be raising your revolver slowly towards your temple.

Someone must stop them...God has given me a mission.

Oh shit my glass is empty…
that sucks !

You are 31 years old Pink, why are you talking like a 15 year old female version of Stiffler from the American Pie movies?

So if you’re too school for cool (I mean…)
And you’re treated like a fool (treated like a fool)
You could choose to let it go
We can always, we can always
party on our own…

Who needs friends? Who needs education? You can just be alone in the homeless shelter with your Pink cd. What a role model!

Just come on and come and
Raise your glass…for me

I’ll raise something…it’s between my ring and index finger.

Published inThese lyrics make no sense