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The Greatest Videogame Poem of all Time

At our best we proclaim
Handsome fighters never lose a battle!
But it can’t always be so
Some days our Princess is in another Castle

We can’t all be heroes
Sometimes the Baddest Dudes
Don’t save presidents kidnapped by ninjas
But deal with co-workers bad attitudes

Our daily routine might not
Be filled with adventure and mystery
But remember even great explorers
Sometimes die of dysentery

Ok, so you photocopy or email all day
Or answer phones all night
But remember, you’ve commanded armies, conquered worlds
So believe in yourself, finish the fight

Keep going, get the rings, grab the flag
Face each day like world 1-2
That ominous budda-budda-budda
Holds no fear for you

The Power, Wisdom and Courage
Can be united, Hyrule’s flag unfurled
And the right man in the wrong place
Can make all the difference in the world

Don’t forget to bring player two
It’s dangerous to go alone
A good friend can make a Monday Water Temple
Feel like a Friday Green Hill Zone

When they call you a miserable pile of secrets
Don’t fuss, don’t fret
Just tell them “We’ve both said a lot of things,
You’re going to regret”

Because war… war never changes
So don’t let them ruin your fun
Step away walk on, and would you kindly
Praise the sun

Each day on your journey
Let all four pieces of your heart be moved
And never rage quit
Till the justice of our culture is prooved

Never be afraid to check the quest list
Help all the NPC’s you can
Whether you walk alone
Or go home to be a family (wo)man

And take the time to thank the dreamers
Whether Nintendo, Capcom, Rockstar or Clover
They taught us to be heroes every day
And never, ever be Game Over

Published inFeatures