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The Unbelievable Ugliness of the New Steam Machines

The concept of a Steam Machine is constantly caught in a fluxing duality of two conflicting states. On one hand, Steam is a great service and a bespoke box with all our games is simple and intriguing. On the other, a Steam box offers all the drawbacks of consoles AND PC’s, being more expensive than the former and more restictive than the latter.

Still, if someone really nailed the design, hit a competitive price point and hit retail hard, maybe they could make some headway. Well, someone might achieve all that, but it’s unlikely to be any of these companies or models. Witness the horror.

Seven sharp corners, balanced out by cutting the eighth off completely.

A subwoofer and a weapon crate from a shit F2P shooter.

A PC from 2003 and a flight recording black box.

An even shitter PC from 2003 and a knock-off Chinese PS4 (complete with awful name).

A boiler and a 28.8k modem.

A CD unit from a hi fi circa 1998 and portable hard drive.

My washing machine half way through a belt replacement and a wireless router.

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