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Orion: Dino Horde Review (PC)

Did you ever see Jurassic Park? Of course you did! Wait, what? What do you mean you’ve never heard of it? It only came out like 5 or 6 years ago. Oh wait…20 years ago?! Sheesh, I’m feeling old right about now.

I loved dinosaurs when I was a kid. I used to collect this dinosaur magazine that gave you bits to build a big skeleton of a T-Rex every 2 weeks, and it glowed in the dark! I did my 2nd year science project on dinosaurs. I’d like to think I’m more prepared for a dinosaur invasion than a zombie invasion.
So I saw this trailer for Orion Dino Horde: “Badass!” I thought (apart from the god awful music they chose). I’m gonna be a pro. Do you remember the two kids in Jurassic Park that were hiding in the kitchen and the girl is frantically trying to shut herself in a cupboard?

That won’t be me, I’m braver than that. I’ll go out all guns blazing.

Orion: Dino HordeOn paper Orion Dino Horde sounds fantastic. It SHOULD be fantastic. It’s a shame that in reality it’s awful. Poor textures, bad AI, a lack of story, and no real single player, it’s all just a bit of a mess. If you can find some drunk friends daft enough to spend money on this then you might be in for a giggle on multiplayer, but a sober single player experience just isn’t worth your time.

With nine dinosaur species, fifty-plus weapons and gear, seven levels, six vehicles, thirty-plus augmentations and a hundred Steam achievements, this had so much potential. Jetpacks and dinosaurs for crying out loud!

Despite all that, there doesn’t appear to be any story or tutorial, which left me wondering what on Earth I was doing. Granted I’m not your go-to for FPS games, but I felt there should have been something to explain just what was going on. Was it Richard Attenborough all over again with a theme park gone wrong? Well there is no Jeff Goldblum to help us this time. No one can save this title.

Orion: Dino HordeDino Horde feels very unfinished, and looks very jaggy. Wave after wave of dinosaurs, and there is no real strategy in this game at all. Just keep shooting until it’s dead and target the next one. It all becomes very dull very quickly. The graphics are dull and generic too, with nothing that makes you go “ooh” and “aah”. It’s more “uegh”.

I can’t fathom how such a great idea turned out so poorly. Do not be wowed by the promise of playable dinosaurs and jetpacks. Do not let this game spoil dinosaurs for you. It’s really not worth your hard-earned cash. Orion Dino Horde feels like a cheap plastic toy that will just snap if you even pick it up. So don’t. Don’t pick this up.

3 dingy dinos of derivative dullness out of 10

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