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Top 5 Fails of E3 2011

5. Robert Bowling’s controller dies during MW3 gameplay demo

Not really a biggie, but I bet someone got their ass kicked for this. Smooth recovery though.

Other than that and Halo 4, there was really only one other thing at Microsoft’s conference. A whole lot of:

4. Need For Speed: The Run

What’s the one thing that Need For Speed needs? Obviously, its on foot sections with quicktime events! Right? On foot sections? Quick time events? People love those!

3. Kinect Star Wars

Hmm, not sure I can summon enough enthusiasm to be sarcastic. Why are people applauding this? Star Wars fans must feel like kidnapped foreign tourists in Eastern Europe; terrified and alone with a bag over their head, chained to a radiator and bleeding from the rectum.

2. Kinect Kids

“Get those coins”, “Oh we missed it! We were so close”, “Watch out! Cannonballs”, “I can’t believe how natural my laugh sounds”. Is it normal to hate child actors this much? I’m not a bad person, so why do I want terrible things to happen to two small children? You made me evil Kinect, you made me evil!

1. And we are partnered with…. AT&T

Every E3 brings us an embarassing, awkward, painful moment, and 2011 was no different. Once again it was Sony, but giant crabs or real time weapon change weren’t the objects of ridiculce this time. Insetad, it was the Vita’s affiliation with notoriously awful US carrier AT&T. Those outwith the States may not know, but AT&T, who boast the fastest 3G network, are famous for their incredibly poor connection speeds. This moment is particularly awful as we witness grunts of derision, dismissive laighter, ridicule and snarky, ironic applause all at once. Poor Kaz does his best to get through what must have been an obligatory contractual statement with grace and humility, but nonetheless this will be the stand out awful moment of E3 2011. Sony wins the number 1 fail of E3, and after the year they’ve had that’s hardly a surprise.

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