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Top 5 Fails of E3 2011

Top 5 Fails of E3 2011

5. Robert Bowling’s controller dies during MW3 gameplay demo

Not really a biggie, but I bet someone got their ass kicked for this. Smooth recovery though.

Other than that and Halo 4, there was really only one other thing at Microsoft’s conference. A whole lot of:

4. Need For Speed: The Run

What’s the one thing that Need For Speed needs? Obviously, its on foot sections with quicktime events! Right? On foot sections? Quick time events? People love those!

3. Kinect Star Wars

Hmm, not sure I can summon enough enthusiasm to be sarcastic. Why are people applauding this? Star Wars fans must feel like kidnapped foreign tourists in Eastern Europe; terrified and alone with a bag over their head, chained to a radiator and bleeding from the rectum.

2. Kinect Kids

“Get those coins”, “Oh we missed it! We were so close”, “Watch out! Cannonballs”, “I can’t believe how natural my laugh sounds”. Is it normal to hate child actors this much? I’m not a bad person, so why do I want terrible things to happen to two small children? You made me evil Kinect, you made me evil!

1. And we are partnered with…. AT&T

Every E3 brings us an embarassing, awkward, painful moment, and 2011 was no different. Once again it was Sony, but giant crabs or real time weapon change weren’t the objects of ridiculce this time. Insetad, it was the Vita’s affiliation with notoriously awful US carrier AT&T. Those outwith the States may not know, but AT&T, who boast the fastest 3G network, are famous for their incredibly poor connection speeds. This moment is particularly awful as we witness grunts of derision, dismissive laighter, ridicule and snarky, ironic applause all at once. Poor Kaz does his best to get through what must have been an obligatory contractual statement with grace and humility, but nonetheless this will be the stand out awful moment of E3 2011. Sony wins the number 1 fail of E3, and after the year they’ve had that’s hardly a surprise.

MOAR FROM CALMDOWNTOM!

18 Comments

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  1. 05/23/2012, 10:02 AM

    [...] Ubisoft’s Mr Caffeine shows E3 can still be terrible So in my list of E3 Fails I got a lot of heat for leaving this guy out. He’s surprising not just because he’s [...]

  2. GameSquirrel says
    06/13/2011, 11:10 PM

    Say what you will about The Run, but that sequence they showed around South Michigan Ave. in Chicago was SPOT ON in terms of geography, look, and feel. That train yard really exists, those walls alongside it look exactly like that, and the train cars shown are exactly what the commuter rails look like that traverse it. Frankly the NFS series has been lacking, and even when they brought in Burnout devs Criterion for the last one it still felt terribly stilted in today’s sandbox-like gameplay. At least the on-foot segments aren’t yours to control, but instead keep the flow of the game moving with the QT events. Maybe the child actors can be implemented in the Kinect version as speed bumps.

  3. 06/13/2011, 10:26 AM

    I agree with most of these (although frankly I think Nintendo debuting the Wii U without showing a single real game for it should have made the list). The only exception is Need for Speed: The Run, which I thought was one of the most exciting games shown at E3 this year. I should probably mention that I’ve never played any previous Need for Speed games, so that might be why I don’t mind the on-foot sections.

  4. Chris says
    06/13/2011, 8:38 AM

    Why is Mr. Caffine not on this list?

  5. Cuthbert says
    06/13/2011, 8:09 AM

    I agree with most of the article, but was disappointed with the way one of the comments were worded.

    Brian L, obviously you were being sarcastic with your praise of the Cafe (no, some people will never accept the “real” name), but your wording really didn’t make this clear. The only way that someone would know you were being sarcastic was by knowing what product you were talking about in the first place.

    And, while this isn’t really about you, why would Ubisoft make that Ghost Recon trailer in the first place? It’s a mistake on multiple levels. First, notice that, while they showed a half-way decent use for the tablet itself, what don’t they show? Oh, that’s right. Actual COMBAT footage using the controller. You know, the part that actually matters? Yes, they show screens of combat, but not using the controller at the same time. Secondly, the whole trailer reinforces every negative, but accurate, stereotype about FPS players. Bunch of annoying kids talking crap with little coordination with each other (nothing but griping and whining in it, only to find out that even using the fancy tablet options, you were killed) or skill. It only proved that FPSers are the bottom feeders of the industry.

    Sorry to go off on an unrelated topic (that video). Just frustrates me.

    You were right about both AT&T and Kinect sucking. But I do have to add a small reply to what a lot of people complain about. Especially when people talk about data plans and other garbage like that. Here’s a solution: buy a phone. You know, a phone? Only makes phone calls? You don’t need the rest of that garbage. Your calling plan will cost less, you have to worry less about network problems (sure, they run on the same network, but the network resources needed for a smartphone add a lot of overhead) and you have 100% of the features you need in a phone.

    Well, I sure went off-topic. Guess I should have just said “I agree with most of this list. Good job.”

  6. George says
    06/13/2011, 4:40 AM

    You know, I had an iPad using ATT’s 3G connection (even got the unlimited), and when time came about for iPad2 I switched over to Verizon’s version of the iPad2. Recalls, connectivity bugs, I never thought that service could be worse than ATT. Seriously.

    I HATE ATT, but Verizon’s iPad2 experience has convinced me to stick with ATT for the time being for my iPhone. Maybe when Sprint or T-mobile (unless they get eaten by ATT) gets the iPhone I’ll think about changing plans again.

    So for the Vita, ATT probably was the right choice. They obviously built up the network to handle iPhones and iPad’s data traffic, they still suck, but honestly the competition doesn’t seem much better at the moment. Maybe if they go with Sprint, but they are an unknown quantity when it comes to these devices.

    Yeah, but that new Kinect stuff looks lame. I actually have the Kinect, haven’t played it since Christmas, those games don’t inspire me to buy new games for it.

  7. 06/13/2011, 4:06 AM

    [...] •Top 5 Fails of E3 [Calm Down Tom] This recap gets all of the cringe-inducing gaffes and underwhelming reveals we saw down in L.A. The only thing missing, for me, is Kobe Bryant dribbling straight out of bounds trying to demonstrate NBA 2K12‘s PlayStation Move support. But No. 1 does overwhelm that. [...]

  8. Sam Timmins says
    06/13/2011, 1:44 AM

    Love how The Run blatantly stole from Back To The Future 3.
    (Yes, it was 1992, but come on! ICONIC trilogy! Who forgot THAT?!)

  9. Martinez says
    06/13/2011, 1:43 AM

    I don’t think the problem really was AT&T, but that Sony went with an exclusive partnership. No one want to add another service, when they have stuck with the same provider for years verizon/sprint/tmobile/etc. I think it bs making people sign up with a particular service, but unfortunately AT&T paid the right amount to sony and apple to become. My cousin said att is good though, although they charge a lot.

  10. 06/13/2011, 1:41 AM

    [...] •Top 5 Fails of E3 [Calm Down Tom] This recap gets all of the cringe-inducing gaffes and underwhelming reveals we saw down in L.A. The only thing missing, for me, is Kobe Bryant dribbling straight out of bounds trying to demonstrate NBA 2K12‘s PlayStation Move support. But No. 1 does overwhelm that. [...]

  11. 06/13/2011, 1:08 AM

    [...] •Top 5 Fails of E3 [Calm Down Tom] This recap gets all of the cringe-inducing gaffes and underwhelming reveals we saw down in L.A. The only thing missing, for me, is Kobe Bryant dribbling straight out of bounds trying to demonstrate NBA 2K12‘s PlayStation Move support. But No. 1 does overwhelm that. [...]

  12. Godzilla1200 says
    06/13/2011, 12:41 AM

    “… and after the year they’ve had that’s hardly a surprise.” What does this even mean?
    Are you referring to the PSN outage for 1 month? Because that is something that I would not consider a bad YEAR for Sony. You cannot count ONE MONTH to judge the entire year!

    Sony has been getting exclusive after exclusive this year so far. It’s June and so far we have had 8 exclusive, where as Microsoft haven’t release ANY game yet for the first half of the month. NOT ONE! Now that’s what I would call a SHITY year, not just an incident that disrupted the PSN for just one month.

    Quit being biased!

  13. GR1M RACER says
    06/12/2011, 10:56 PM

    Well the MW3 presentation was a Good thing. Or maybe it was It was planed to show that this is not scripted.

  14. Josh says
    06/12/2011, 10:19 PM

    I’m not even gonna buy a Vita but they couldn’t have done better than AT&T. It’s the company with the most subscribers in the US. Making the 3G with Verizon or somebody would’ve seriously cut down on buyers. AT&T’s the broadest market.

  15. Brian L. says
    06/11/2011, 8:23 AM

    Yo, Eaker, I kinda agree with you about the needing child actors for selling the Kinect, but the true atrocity was Microsoft’s trying to sell the Kinect in the first place! LOL

    And yeah, people do whine too much, but that Microsoft presentation WAS pretty bad. As for the taking apart weapons, I’m sorry dude, but I think you’ll agree that THIS experience beats the pants off of Kinect:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWNt0eiMygQ

    Never mind the cheesy commercial–THIS is the way to customize weapons, not waving your hands in the air. You get to customize weapons AND use a controller to shoot at the same time. (This product was also the thing that kicked Sony’s made-for-PS3 3D TV right square in the balls.) Sure, the name “Wii U” will have to grow on folks (it took a little time but I’ve…finally adapted), but the Wii U’s concept was awesome and easily the win at E3 2011.

    I personally think AT&T is horrible, but my analysis could be terribly bias, given that I’ve got more got bars than Ireland with Verizon! I went to the Poconos mountains last year and STILL had two bars! And this FiOS I’m using is bar-none the best internet in America! They’ve got a perhaps the best mobile broadband service, too. Maybe Sony should’ve gone with them instead!

  16. ZT says
    06/10/2011, 9:49 AM

    I was actually a bit confused during the AT&T bit. I’ve been using their service for years and have been wholly satisfied. Their download speeds are great, call quality is the best I’ve seen, and they have great coverage. An ex-girlfriend of mine used to have Verizon and her phone wouldn’t work most of the time. There was one corner of my bedroom where she could get a signal and if she moved too much, her call would get dropped. I’ve never had this problem with AT&T. I’ve traveled across the country by bus/car and I have yet to find a place where I had poor service. Not that I’m some kind of fanboy, mind you, as that would just be silly. Believe me, I have plenty of my own issues with AT&T (mainly the price), but their service is top-notch in my experience. I suspect that people would’ve groaned no matter who Sony partnered with.

  17. Eaker says
    06/10/2011, 9:29 AM

    First off, Kinect Kids is fail ummm you ever see non-kid actors up on stage? deer in headlights and crying so yes they had to be actors. a couple of these fails is what was pissing me off watching the tards in the GameTrailers chatroom whine about it.

    1. MS spend a ass load on Kinect no duh they wont have a ton of games deal with it.
    2. Sry developers make kids games but it happens tough.
    3. I kinda like ATT but I wouldve growned too with the crowd.

    I’m in no way saying Kinect is the most awesomest thing alive but I see what I would use it for and wouldnt. like taking apart the gun but i’d use a controller to shoot.

  18. 06/10/2011, 12:42 AM

    [...] Top 5 Fails of E3 2011 | Calm Down Tom Cliff notes version #5- Robert Bowlings controller died at the start of the MW3 demo. [...]

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