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The Unbelievable Ugliness of the New Steam Machines

The concept of a Steam Machine is constantly caught in a fluxing duality of two conflicting states. On one hand, Steam is a great service and a bespoke box with all our games is simple and intriguing. On the other, a Steam box offers all the drawbacks of consoles AND PC’s, being more expensive than the former and more restictive than the latter.

Still, if someone really nailed the design, hit a competitive price point and hit retail hard, maybe they could make some headway. Well, someone might achieve all that, but it’s unlikely to be any of these companies or models. Witness the horror.

Seven sharp corners, balanced out by cutting the eighth off completely.

A subwoofer and a weapon crate from a shit F2P shooter.

A PC from 2003 and a flight recording black box.

An even shitter PC from 2003 and a knock-off Chinese PS4 (complete with awful name).

A boiler and a 28.8k modem.

A CD unit from a hi fi circa 1998 and portable hard drive.

My washing machine half way through a belt replacement and a wireless router.



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  1. macoud12 says
    01/07/2014, 5:57 PM

    Tom, you are missing the point, They look that way because they are all using PC parts, but the games are all that matter, I guess you thought it would look like Chromecast, that you get a HDMI stick with SteamOS preinstalled and a controller.

  2. 01/07/2014, 4:13 PM

    Oh wow D:

  3. Tony says
    01/07/2014, 2:02 PM

    I agree, but I wouldnt expect shiny lights flashing, all singing all dancing. But it has to sit in your house day to day, and quite frankly I wouldn’t have that glaring it’s ugly ass at me all day!

  4. jon d says
    01/07/2014, 1:37 PM

    Wow, they’re eeally missing the point of trying to market these to the general public. People won’t buy them in droves unless they are all shiny and pretty. We’re looking at you IPhone users!

  5. Tony says
    01/07/2014, 12:11 PM

    Lovely, who knew after all this modern revolution of smaller hardware, we end up reverting back to a fu*@ off huge suitcase ugly ass style of the Xbox (original)!

    Hell, I’m sure an old Atari would be smaller and sleek half of these. At first glance, you’d be forgiven for thinking that this was a timeline talking about old redundant tech!

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