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Sexy Hot Poker Bikini Review (Android)

If you love poker games and semi-naked ladies, prepare to be underwhelmed. With the title ‘Sexy Hot Poker Bikini’ you would be forgiven for mistaking it for some sort of virus transmitting application designed to lure sad lonely fat guys.

Starting the application, it looks quite nice. In keeping with your stereotypical poker games we have a nice red patterned background and shiny looking buttons and some dodgy porn music. The actual navigation system is truly dreadful. Generally, a good navigation system is intuitive and easy to get to grips with. This system feels unnatural and generally confuses the player. For a moment I wonder if it has broken my phone because for some reason my back button and menu button are rendered useless.

Now, I don’t think anyone will disagree when I say that there are many, many poker variants. They could have gone a million ways with this game, or offered a few different game types to keep it fresh. As it stands, we are offered only one game mode, and it’s Texas Hold’em. There is simply nothing to keep you coming back for more, except for those semi naked ladies – and bro, I’m just not into that.

The instructions very helpfully tell you that you are playing Texas Hold’em rules without actually telling you what those rules are. If you happen to know the rules of poker, then you probably would be able to progress perfectly well. However. If like myself you are playing the game without knowing the rules, you will end up sitting pressing random buttons and not being very sure of anything that is going on.

The actual game play involves you playing against four bots, all of whom happen to be women with slutty pictures. There doesn’t appear to be any sort of aim to the game. It doesn’t matter if you win or lose, either way you are rewarded for your success or failings with a quarter picture of a scantily clad female. I ended up skipping all the turns just to get the damn women naked and try and find some sort of point to the whole thing. It almost seemed like they had made a simple Texas Hold’em game and then had a bit of spare cash around and thought: ‘hey, why not add a few pictures of boobs.’

To sum up, if you like poker games, there are much better apps out there with more variation and difficulty. For any online casino action you’re after, Jackpot have great games and offers, from roulette to slots, much more than this game! If you like semi-naked ladies, there are also much better places to get your naked lady fix. It’s a super basic game with no replay-ability.

2 out of 10 disappointed teenage boys

By Hollie Aitken


Published inReviews