Bulletstorm is a fun game but actually getting in to play it was an exercise in frustration.
You have to log in to Windows Live to play annoying but fair enough. Then I realized that I couldn’t remember my login. Memories of Gnarley Harley’s podcast rant made me shake my head; stupid stupid Microsoft.
Here’s where I began to get annoyed. After I did remember my login (which means after I typed in every possible combination of passwords and usernames I could remember) Windows Live told me that it had to update, that I had to quit out of Bulletstorm itself for it to update. All of this despite telling me on the front screen that I only needed Windows Live to play online. I had to login and update to play the single player. Dammit! FINE! Whatever!
Okay where’s the quit button? Where’s the damn menu? huh WTF none?
Bulletstorm’s initial screen ‘before’ you login to Windows Live has a nice piece of text asking you to press Enter to continue and not in that way where it actual means ‘any’ button. You have to actually press enter.
No other button press sends you to a quit menu and pressing enter sends you to the Windows Live login and a never ending loop that cheerfully requests that you quit the game to update Windows Live so that you can play online. WTF is this shit!!!?? I don’t want to play online!
So I begin pressing buttons one at a time. No success not even the infamous windows key works. Alt-Tab, Escape, Tilde, Tab, even Q since it has a hard on for specific keys. No key would send me to any screen to quit the game until I hit F11 and the game minimizes.
From my desktop I had to manually stop the Bulletstorm process, sensing its closure Windows Live automatically updates. Grinding my teeth I wait for it to finish then load the game back up. Press Enter to continue… “Windows Live requires an update please quit Bulletstorm to update Windows Live.” WTF!!! FUCK YOU!!
Three times I had to update Windows Live before it deemed itself updatified enough for me to play the god damn game. When I did get into the game the menu system also used a combination of mouse presses and keyboard keys to do anything. Why? Is there something wrong with on screen buttons now? It was horrendous, and quite obviously a symptom of being made for the 360 first and foremost.
Only then an hour after installing it I started the game and it was awesome over the top nonsense fun! It just a shame that I had to wade through such convoluted bollocks to get there.
Is this the future of games? Are we going to be neck deep in passwords, usernames, accounts and other assorted 3rd party shite?